I’ve never been one for romance, of any kind. I’m the least romantic person you and I both know, especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day. I can’t remember the last Valentine’s Day I celebrated. There’s nothing about flowers, candy or those stuffed bears with tiny heart balloon that move me.
When I see my friends romantic Facebook photos I’m happy for them and their love. Yet, I remain unmoved. My level of emptiness sometimes even disturbs me. It begs the question, why am I so emotionally devoid of romantic feeling? And the answer is, I don’t know.
I wanna say I was born this way. But as a child, I loved Disney movies (minus the singing) and the happily ever afters, but the older I got the more I realized I had no desire to be lovey-dovey. It took a while for Jeff to adjust to being with someone who didn’t openly express feelings of love and desire.
I only celebrated Valentine’s Day in those early years because everyone else did. It’s expected and anything to the contrary was deemed odd. Then one year Jeff asked me what I wanted (like he does for our anniversary and my birthday), and I told him, “nothing”. Like most men, he wanted to check to make sure it wasn’t a trick question. It wasn’t. And every year since that year my answer would be the same.
Isn’t it nice that he always asks even though he knows my answer. One year I should trick him. Right at the last moment. Just to watch him sweat.
Anyway, just because I’m not all shmoopy shmoopy (those types of people get on my nerves by the way) that doesn’t mean I don’t love. Or have feelings. I do. I just have no desire to showcase it, especially over an overpriced meal that’s been inflated solely for this occasion. The commercialization of Valentine’s Day is another reason I don’t get overly excited about it, but that’s a distant second.
How do I celebrate Valentine’s Day?
While everyone plans to be gazing into their lovers’ eyes, I plan on being in bed alone with pizza and movies. Jeff will be in the living room, doing whatever it is he does in there. Probably playing a video game or watching someone else play video games on Youtube. This is our Valentine’s Day which resembles most of our evenings. Together, yet apart. Quietly loving each other from a distance. Just the way I like it. But cause he’s human and has a heart he’ll come in the room to nag at me every now and again.
Will there ever be a time where I would want to traditionally celebrate Valentine’s Day? Who knows. I will never say never. But at this moment in time, I don’t have the desire to. And you know what? I’m okay with that.