I’ve never been one for romance, of any kind. I’m truly the least romantic person I know, especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day. I can’t remember the last Valentine’s Day I celebrated. There is nothing about flowers, candy or those cute stuffed bears with tiny heart balloon that move me.
When I see my friends romantic Facebook photos I’m happy for them, for their love. Yet, I remain unmoved. My level of emptiness sometimes disturbs me. It begs the question, why am I so emotionally devoid of romantic feeling?
And the answer is, I don’t know. I wanna say I was born this way. As a child I loved Disney movies and the happily ever afters, but the older I got the more I realized I had no desire to be lovey dovey. It took a while for Jeff to adjust to being with someone who didn’t openly express feelings of love and desire.
I only celebrated Valentine’s Day in those early years because everyone else did. It’s expected, and anything to the contrary was deemed odd. Then one year Jeff asked me what I wanted (like he does for our anniversary and my birthday), and I told him, “nothing”. Like most men he wanted to check to make sure it wasn’t a trick question. It wasn’t. And since that year and every one afterward the answer would be the same.
But just because I’m not all shmoopy shmoopy that doesn’t mean I don’t love. Or have feelings. I do. I just have no desire to showcase it, especially over an overpriced meal that’s been inflated solely for one day a year. The commercialization of Valentine’s Day is another reason I don’t get overly excited about it, but that’s a distant second.
How dID I celebrate Valentine’s Day?
While everyone was gazing into their lovers eyes, I was in the bed alone with pizza and Amazon TV. Jeff was in the living room, doing whatever it is he does in there. Probably playing Warhammer or some other game. This was our evening, like most of our evenings. Together, yet apart. Quietly loving each other from a distance.
Will there ever be a time where I would want to traditionally celebrate Valentine’s Day? Who knows. Maybe. Never say never. But at this moment in time I don’t have the desire to. And you know what? I’m okay with that.