Motherhood is hard as fuck. Like, seriously hard. There are days we love it, and then there the days we wanna run away. Does that equate to us not loving our children? Nah. We love them to the moon and back, but there are days when our kids’ antics causes us to want to wanna scream bloody murder.
You know those days, when the hitting, lack of sharing, yelling, and so on that just won’t stop. I know it’s just not my house. It had better not be just my house. But seriously, it’s in these moments when our happiness tank starts to deplete, along with our patience, we think about those kid-free days and how we wish we could go back to that for five minutes. Oh, let me just point out that it’s perfectly okay to admit that you think this way sometimes. We’re human. There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing about the life and freedoms you once had. It’s completely normal.
Now the question is when we feel less than our usual selves what do we need to do to make sure our happiness meter is set somewhere between “kids are finally sleeping” and “it’s wine time!”?
Stop trying to be the “perfect” mom
Let me state this out the gate – there is no such thing as a perfect mom. I don’t care what the media, celebrities or that sanctimonious mom at your kids PTA tries to sell you, don’t buy it. It’s not true. There is no rulebook for parenting. We’re all out here trying to do the best we can for our families with what we have. Which is why I hate the term “perfect” mom because it’s wielded in such a way to make moms feel inadequate and self-conscious. No one should ever feel that way about themselves. That’s why it’s important to remind ourselves as often as possible that we’re fine just the way we are.
Stop comparing yourself to other moms
A lot of women will look at other moms who they think have it together, and wish they could be like them. When the truth of the matter is, they don’t have their shit together either. They’re struggling just like the rest of us, but they don’t let you know that. It’s all about perception. But know, that’s all it is. This all reverts back to the need some moms feel like they have to be perfect to be considered a good parent to those on the outside looking in. Just enjoy being you without the pressures of trying to be someone else.
Ask for help
If you need your partner to get the kids ready for bath time bed so that you can watch the last few moments of your favorite show, finish a blog post or something that’s for you, ask them. They won’t know you need it unless you do so. And please, don’t judge their methods over yours. Let your partner do it their way. And if you have family and friends in your corner, ask them as well. Now should you have no one to turn to for help, look into a hiring a part-time sitter. Someone whom your kids can hang with every now and then so you can take a breath. No mom should ever feel like she’s alone.
Ask yourself, is it really necessary for you to have a full schedule for yourself and your family? Do you even like these activities? Is anyone fully committed to them? If you answered yes to one of those last two questions, or both, then why are you doing them? Cut back on things that you have little interest in. This way you can make the time for things you really like and always wanted to do, or maybe to do nothing at all. Running at 100mph every day is no good for anyone, and the effects of it will take a toll on your physical and mental health. Pace yourself before your wear yourself so thin your body slows down for you.
Get as much rest as you can
Getting enough sleep is crucial for anyone to survive. You can’t function at the level you need to complete a 15+ hour day when you’re running on 3 or 4 hours of sleep from the night before or worse from several nights in a row. Staying up well after the kids have gone to sleep is tempting because the house is quiet but it can backfire on you if you do it constantly. So how do you get more sleep? Give yourself two hours after the kids have gone to bed then call it a night. And you can also alternate who sleeps in on the weekend. Saturday is my day to sleep in and Sunday belongs to the man. And here’s another tip, if you’re kids are still in the napping stage, when they sleep you should be sleeping too. Why are you up moving around? Get on the couch and chill out. If your kids are out of that stage, like mine, then make them go in their room for “chill out” time. This is the time where everyone retreats to their room for one hour. Sometimes kids will nap (yes!) other times they won’t (boo!) but hey, at least you were able to rest yourself for a bit of time.
Let it go
This will be hard for some, but stop getting worked up over shit that’s out of your control. You can’t do anything about it so instead of walking around aggravated about it be like Elsa and let it go. Take a breath and know that things will be okay and continue on with your day. If things aren’t going to be okay, phone a friend to talk about it. Sometimes just talking to a friend and hearing their reassurances are enough to get us through those dark times.
Have all of the sex
Everyone knows the longer you go without the sex the angrier you become. So do tha do as often as you can. And if you don’t have anyone to have sex with, have sex with yourself. Now if you and your partner are going through a stale period in your bedroom here are some tips to help you out.