Let’s talk about sex –  You don’t have to tell me but answer to yourself. How is your sex life? Are you having it enough? Is there any interest in having it? And when you do, is it good? If you answered no to at least two of those questions then it might be time for you to spice it up a little bit.

I cannot  tell a lie after being with my husband for almost 20 years things can get a little stale. And you know what that’s okay. It happens. With work, kids and life’s stresses sometimes it’s hard to 1. find the time, 2. have the energy and 3. really be in the moment. And by that I mean, not just going through the motions like…

But what’s not okay is allowing it to go on without a solution. I knew if I felt this way Jeff had to be feeling the same. I knew where I needed to go in order to bring the heat back between our sheets.

finding a solution

Babeland is one of New York City’s most popular sex shops. Founded by Claire Cavanah and Rachel Venning, they opened the first Babeland store in 1993 in response to the lack of women-friendly sex shops in Seattle. Babeland offers its customers top quality products, a pleasant place to shop, and most of all provides a wealth of information and encouragement to people who want to explore their sexuality. It wasn’t too long afterward where the demand grew and led to three more stores in New York would follow, plus an educational website coupled with in-house events. It would be here where Babeland would teach me Hot Tips For Bedroom Bliss.

Let me start of by saying, Babeland is one of the most comfortable sex shops I have ever been in – and I’ve been in a few. From the moment you walk in you are welcomed by a brightly lit store and friendly atmosphere. The ladies who work here quite knowledgeable, and coupled with the lack of judgement it makes asking questions that much easier.

That said, it still didn’t stop me from being a little nervous about going. Would I really be the only one in Brooklyn suffering from a case of the chilly sheets? I’m not. The event was sold out. Don’t get more worried than me now. These are intimate events. There were no more than 20 people there, as we were all there for different reasons but looking to achieve the same overall goal.

Running for an hour the class, which was totally laid back and fun, the instructor taught us the following:

Communication is key

If you wanna get what you’re missing from your partner then you gotta talk. It’s as simple as that. If there is something new that you would like to try then bring it up. Be clear about what you want. Repeat your partner to confirm their words. And if something is brought up that one of you is uncomfortable with then that’s fine too. They recommend coming up with a YES/NO/MAYBE List. This will help unlock self discovery between the two of you. If there is something in the maybe box then look into it further together. And respect your partners ‘no list’. Don’t force or question it.

 Additional tip: Talk about your YES/NO/Maybe List outside of the bedroom in a non-sexy environment this will remove any uncomfortable feelings you may have.

Dirty talk

This is taking your communication to a whole new level. Now that you’ve ironed out your list now it’s time to partake in some of it. Don’t be shy about whispering in your partners ear about what you want them to do to you. Or what they should expect once the kids are asleep. This 1. let’s your partner know it’s gonna be on an popping later and 2. (and this is key) it builds excitement. That bedtime routine and get those dishes done a little bit faster if you knew what was in store for later on.

Additional tip: Tips on how to talk dirty – say what you’re gonna do, then do it and finally, say what you did. That’s it! Don’t trust your voice to be sexy. Talk to yourself in the mirror until you feel more comfortable saying certain words and phrases. But if you never master your sexy voice then text it. Sending a flirty message or a picture during the day is a great starting point and just as effective with building excitement. 

foreplay

The sheets aren’t the only thing you have to warm up. Foreplay gets the party started. Use your hands, mouth, arms, face, body weight to arouse your partner. And for the love of humanity don’t just go downtown. Take the .5 cent tour of your partners body and allow them to do the same with yours. Tell them what turns you on and what doesn’t. Unless it’s a quickie enjoy reconnecting with one another’s bodies, take your time and don’t worry about the pressure of orgasm. You’re not even at the finish line so there’s plenty of time for that.

Additional tip: Keep the rhythm. If someone likes something tell them. Your pleasure is their happiness therefore you shouldn’t feel shy about saying it.

just do it

Now that you’ve talked about expectation, wants and needs; built up the excitement and anticipation the last thing is to just do it.

Remember sex shouldn’t be considered a chore. The both of you can tell when it is. Be spontaneous and do what feels right for the two of you. And if you need more help that’s okay. Babeland has a tons of events on a number of topics that take place month. CLICK HERE for a listing based on each location.

Did these tips help me and Jeff? They did! We already knew these things but sometimes you forget and you fall into a routine that can become monotonous. But I’ve been reminded of things we haven’t done in a while, and that has most definitely allowed us to  naturally bring the sexual bliss back into our bedroom.

FYI: Babeland provided me with a complimentary ticket to this event for the purpose of this review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.