Health & Wellness

  • Five Beauty & Wellness Goals I’m Setting For The New Year

    Sometime this year I decided I was gonna start taking better care of myself. I’ve been feeling and looking really rundown (which I’ll get into why in a future post). I went from being a hot mess but still presentable to looking like I didn’t give a fuck about life. I put on more weight, my skin is dull, and my hair is thinning. I needed to make a drastic change in my life, and fast!

    Now I’m not sure of the date I started it but I slowly started implementing new routines, and I vowed these would be my New Year goals. And because all of these goals are connected they’ll be easy for me to do. And another great thing is because I started weeks before the New Year I’ve already seen some small but noticeable changes. It lets me know I’m on the right track and I need to keep up the good work.

    My Five Beauty & Wellness Goals Are:

    Taking care of my skin

    I’m nearing 40 and there’s one thing I haven’t been doing on a consistent basis, and that’s taking care of my skin. I’ll take a hot shower and be lazy about moisturizing my body or not exfoliating. Then a day or two later wonder my skin feels like sandpaper or why my face is breaking out.

    So starting back in November I began making a conscious effort of taking better care of my skin. I started misting my face with PearlEssence rose water, applying body butter, using soaps and facial serums that bring that heal and moisturize my skin.

    new year goals valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Shop:

    Coconut Body Butter Raw African Black Soap Rose Water Spray

    More water less soda

    Speaking of taking better care of my skin, I’ve cut soda almost entirely out of my diet. I say almost as I still like the taste of ginger ale and drink it a few times a month. But for the most part, I drink water and teas (hot and cold).

    I don’t know when I cut back on my soda intake or what prompted it, but it’s a major step as I loved soda. And the results have been great. My face doesn’t break out as much, my stomach has gotten slightly smaller and my jeans aren’t as snug. Yay!

    new year goals valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Shop:

    Modern Water Bottle Hint Water

    Growing out my nails

    I started growing them a while ago but stress and nerves got to me and I fell back into the bad habit of picking at my nails. And since I know what they look like grown out with a coat of paint, I need to curb the urge to pick at that them.

    nail biting valerie pierre mommyrandr new year goals

    Shop:

    Diamond Strength Hardener Revlon Gel Nail Polish 12pc Manicure Kit

    Which leads to my next goal

    Going to weekly meditation and yoga classes

    I rejoined ClassPass. After seeing MDFL on their list of studios I knew I had to sign up, and that free month ClassPass offered was nice too. My plan is to get my mind, body, and spirit right by visiting various local yoga and meditation studios.

    Last year taught me I’m more into quiet reflection time and not traditional workout classes. While I know I need to get more active as I get older, I also know I need to be active doing things I don’t dread.

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    Shop:

    6pc Yoga Set Singing Bowl Set Meditation Guide Book

    Protective styling my hair

    This is going to be the hardest of all because I really hate twisting/braiding my hair. Natualista’s know this struggle. It’s time-consuming with your arms and hands aching soon after starting. But not doing so will continue to be a contributing factor toward my hair loss.

    I wear my afro out all the time even to bed and the results are massive tangles, dryness, and breakage. You may not be able to tell cause my hair is so fluffy but I can feel the loss in my scalp. With protective styling, I can prevent tangles and breakage by styling my hair which will allow my hair to grow and flourish.

    new year goals valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Shop:

    Detangling Brush Scarf Turban Tie Daily Hair Moisturizer

    Going to bed at a decent time

    I have a hard time keeping a regular bedtime. My bedtime ranges between 11pm and 2am. I’ve always been a night owl so going to sleep late mentally is okay with me but I physically regret it each morning. Thankfully my nighttime routine is pretty solid so at least I’m not having any trouble getting to sleep.

    Shop:

    Essential Oil Diffuser Pajama Short Set Sound Machine

    What new year goals are you setting? Share in the comments below.

  • Holiday Stress Got You Down? Here Are Some Ways To Manage It

    holiday stress mommyrandr

    The holiday season is upon us, and with it comes the dreaded holiday stress. For many people, this means dealing with a lot more stress than usual. On top of your everyday stresses, you’re now faced with planning or attending holiday dinners, getting gifts for everyone, keeping the kids occupied on winter vacation, and of course, your in-laws. If you like your in-laws consider yourself lucky for one less stress in your life. For the rest of us, their visit cannot end fast enough.

    These overwhelming challenges undoubtedly make us feel stretched too thin as we’re pulled in multiple directions at once. Fortunately, there are things we can do to minimize stress from now through the new year.

    Ten Ways To Manage Holiday Stress:

    Don’t Be Afraid To Say No, And Mean It

    If you don’t want to host dinner, go to someone else’s for dinner, or simply can’t do something due to lack of time or funds just say, no. You in no way should feel obligated to do things that won’t allow you to maintain your boundaries. After you say no you’ll probably be pressured into doing whatever it is you don’t want to do, but stand firm. Let it be known that your no is your final answer and there is no going back on it. Putting limitations on what you will and will not do, in general, but especially during the holiday season will save your sanity.

    Unplug To Take Time For You

    The holiday season is hectic so taking some time for you to regroup is important. Let family and friends know that you’re going to be unreachable for a day or so. Unplugging from emails and social media will allow your mind and body to get back in sync with each other. Enjoy the time you spend alone rejuvenating yourself. No matter how you decide to spend the time, the important thing is you’re doing something for YOU.

    Treat Yourself

    The holiday season is about doing something for others but let’s not forget that it’s also equally important that you do something for yourself. In other words, treat yourself. Whether it be that luxury item you’ve been eyeing all year or a stack of new books or hobby materials. The point is, you’re showing yourself a bit of appreciation, after all, you earned it.

    Make A List Of Everything You Need To Do Starting With The Most Important

    There’s a lot more to the holiday season than just gathering with loved ones and opening presents. The behind-the-scenes work can be chaotic, overwhelming, and draining. So for this reason it’s best that you create a to-do list or use a planner to help plan your holiday calendar and to track your tasks. Writing down your tasks and checking them off as you complete them may seem like extra work but it will alleviate the stress of having to remember everything and rushing to get things done at the last minute.

    Don’t Set Impossible Goals

    Now that you have your to-do list and your planner ready try not to overfill it with goals and tasks. I know in your mind you have a lot of things you want to be done but you have to be realistic about your ability to actually do them. Trying to do too much in a small window of time is a sure-fire way to quickly burn yourself out. Set goals that make sense that you know can be completed without additional hassle.

    Try To Keep Your Regular Routine

    Following your normal routine will help you feel more relaxed and in control. When you don’t get enough sleep, eat right, or cram too much in a single day or week it can leave you feeling sad, stressed, and depressed. So take a look at your daily schedule and add your holiday to-dos in between. Don’t overflow your daily schedule even if your day is empty. Keeping your schedule light and flexible will help keep the holiday stress and chaos to a minimum.

    Maintain Your Boundaries And Stay Away From Toxic Relatives

    Just because it’s the holidays that doesn’t mean that you have to spend time with toxic relatives. If someone you wish to avoid is attending the same holiday dinner as you protect your boundaries and cancel. Dealing with toxic people is draining and the last thing you want to be is stressed because of someone’s negative views and disposition.

    Get Some Exercise

    Exercising helps to clear your mind and improve your overall mood. After a walk or jog around your neighborhood, you’ll feel more energetic and clear-headed. Hitting the gym is also a great place to release pent-up frustration. If getting out locally or even making it to the gym seems impossible, not to worry take a time out and give these health and wellness podcasts a listen.

     Set A Budget

    Setting a budget for the holidays is crucial. A lot of stress is centered around the lack of money or because you’ve overspent. Whichever your situation look at your financials and see what you can afford to spend and not spend. Keep track of this. Even if it means reducing the number of gifts you buy. Remember, it’s not about how many gifts you give but the thought you put into what you give. So instead of 5 gifts seek out one item. It could be something the person has been asking for or something that will compliment what they already have.

    Lastly,

    Live In The Moment

    The holiday season should be a time of joy and happiness. Be sure that you’re present and connecting. Living in the moment is how you’ll ensure that you and everyone else around you is truly basking in the holiday spirit.

  • I Was Stretched Too Thin and These Are the Steps I Took to Overcome It

    *I received a copy of Stretched Too Thin for the purpose of this post. All thoughts and opinions are my own. In addition, this post contains Amazon affiliate links which earn this site a small commission.

    stretched too thin valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Last year this time I was having a difficult time mentally and physically. I had a lot going on between work, the kids, my husband, and our home life. I was constantly aggravated and snappy, stressed to the point where I couldn’t think straight and tired beyond measure. Looking back, I now realize I was stretched too thin and didn’t even realize it.

    What made this time in my life particularly frustrating was no matter how changed my eating and drinking habits and tweaked my night time routine I was still tired. Every day after I dropped the kids off at school I would come home and sleep all day. Mind you, this was supposed to be the time I should have been working uninterrupted. After all, I had waited two years after my first kid started school for my second to begin kindergarten. This should have been an exciting and fruitful time for my business. But instead of it flourishing, it floundered. Shit was bad and I was a minute from snapping.

    In hindsight, I can see how my actions got me in a predicament where I would become stretched beyond my limits. If I hadn’t tried to do too much which ultimately left little time for family, friends or myself I could have avoided feeling like I was on the cusp of having a nervous breakdown.

    What does it mean to be stretched too thin?

    The meaning is simple, you have too much going on but not enough time to accommodate any of it. You know what this looks like, you and your family’s schedule is packed from sunrise to sunset. Most days you don’t know if you’re coming or going. You end up at one place thinking it’s Tuesday when it’s really Thursday and you should be across town. And as a result, you’re in a constant state of frustration and fatigue.

    Now the easy thing to say is, well stop piling on so much shit. And that’s true. But you see, I didn’t realize I had taken on so much. I didn’t stretch myself thin overnight. Nah, son. I was doing it without realizing it. One too many extra projects here, taking the kids there, on top of keeping my house in order as a stay at home mom and trying to be a halfway decent wife. By the time I realized what was happening to me it was too late. Shit had already spiraled out of my control.

    How I regained control of my life

    The first thing I did was say no to every request in my inbox. This was not something that I was used to doing cause if I thought I could do it I would. Which was my number one problem. I needed to realize just because I could it didn’t mean I should. After that, I went into my inbox at all my pending things and told folks it was gonna take longer than promised due to overextending myself. Thankfully, I work with nice people who understood and sympathized with me as they too have been in my shoes.

    With projects completed and my whole schedule clear going forward I needed to make sure that I prioritized my family and myself above all else. Instead of working 7 days a week I cut it down to three – four tops. Friday, Saturday and Sunday were my personal days. Monday too if I could swing it. The impact of this new schedule was a game changer. I no longer felt overwhelmed or exhausted and I had more time for me. It also made my family happy cause I was fully present. Things were looking up and I couldn’t be more excited for lay ahead for me.

    How do you avoid finding yourself in a similar situation?

    I’m telling you right now you don’t wanna end up like me and how I was last year. You don’t want to walk around in a state of heightened stress all the time yelling at your family for every little thing cause you’re tired and can’t think straight. It’s no way to live. So when I knew I had to make a change  this is what I did to pull myself back together:

    Plan shit out

    I have never been a planner but over the last year, I’ve come to realize how important planning is. I used to think it was silly, now I don’t make a move without checking my calendar. This is a great way to keep yourself from having too much going on at once. You can look ahead to see if it makes sense for you to add on another activity or project, and it also shows if you need to remove things. Simply put, planning keeps you balanced.

    It’s okay to say no

    There is no rule that states you have to do everything. You don’t, and you shouldn’t, because you can’t. Don’t put your mental, emotional and physical health on the back-burner for nothing and no one.

    Make time for you and your loved ones

    When you’re being pulled in so many different directions it leaves very little time to enjoy being around those whom you love and care about. Now that you’re planning out your schedule and learning to say no you’ll see how much free time you have. Use that time to reconnect with family and friends, and most importantly, yourself. You’ll notice those around you will appreciate that you’ve not only have taken the initiative to spend time together but that you’re also present enjoying the moment creating meaningful long-lasting memories.

    Get Jessica Turner’s newest book Stretched Too Thin

    I’ve been a fan of Jessica’s since her first book release Fringe Hours. I considered it my favorite self-care book, that is until I read her newest release, Stretched Too Thin. Reading this book following one of the most stressful year’s of my life helped me fully understand the depths of what I put myself through, the negative impact it had on those around me and to see how far I’ve come since then.

    stretched too thin valerie pierre mommyrandr

    What makes this book special is the fact that it doesn’t read like a book at all. It’s more of a manual and in it, Jessica gives you the tools to: work and parent guilt-free, invest in your marriage and friendships, establish home and work boundaries, and home management solutions – just to name a few.

    stretched too thin valerie pierre mommyrandr

    What separates this book from other self-care books is that Jessica isn’t suggesting or sharing shit that she hasn’t done or gone through. You can tell as you read or listen along that she knows and understands the struggle a lot of us moms face and is committed to helping us find solutions that will not only be beneficial to us but to our families as well.

    But my favorite aspect is the journal like reflection section at the end of each chapter. This allows you to dig deep to identify areas of your life that may be stressful or problematic and improve those areas using the tips laid out within the chapter.

    While it took me less than a week to read it’s a book that I will keep handy to refer back to as often as necessary to ensure I don’t end up back in the space I was a year ago. For this reason alone it makes Stretched Too Thin worth the read.

    stretched too thin valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Stretched Too Thin along with Jessica’s previous titles, The Fringe Hours and My Fringe Hours are available at your local bookstore, Amazon, and on Audible.

    Have you ever felt stretched too thin? How did you go about putting yourself back together again?
  • Confession: I’ve Been a Bad Friend. Here’s How I’m Working to Fix That

    bad friend valerie pierre mommyrandr

    I have a confession to make – I’ve been a bad friend. This is really embarrassing to admit cause I like to think of myself as someone who cares about my friends. So it was quite the shock to me when I started to feel left out when my friends would hang out. I would be home in my pj’s trolling social and see them all dressed up having a blast and I would think, why didn’t I get invited? After a while, I allowed my wonder, anger, and disappointment to take control and convince me it was them and not me.

    This is where I fucked up, cause the problem was me. It had always been me and I was oblivious to that shit. You see, my problem was that I was always on my phone. Like, nonstop. As a blogger, my phone is attached my palm like secondary growth and my laptop is never too far away. While my friends and I would be out my phone would chime away. They would always find my head down thumbs typing as they spoke. The straw that broke the camels back was when one friend really needed me during a devastating time I was unavailable to her despite standing right next to her. I was offering condolences while composing witty tweets. To say I was a self-absorbed bitch is truly an understatement. My actions that day were gross and I will always regret them.

    As I reflect back this is when my friendship with this group of women deteriorated. So you see, it shouldn’t have been a shock that I wasn’t included in their outings or that the group chat didn’t include me in it. I had my head so far up my own ass in my own shit that I lost care and concern for the shit my friends were going through. This is how you know you’re being a bad friend. But, I didn’t want to be that person any longer. These were long vested friendships and there was one thing I knew I had to do, fix what I broke.

    What are the steps to fixing broken friendships?

    bad friend valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Reach out. Despite how much I didn’t wanna make the first move I knew that I had to be the one. I sent a text asking to meet up and waited to see what the response would be. If they wanted to go great and if not then I would have to accept that. And by accept, I mean I would think of other means to try and build back the trust that was lost. They accepted.

    Meet face to face. Talking on the phone or texting is easy but when you’re trying to mend a relationship its best to meet in person. You want to be able to look into each other’s eyes as everyone shares the anger, sadness, and pain they’ve been feeling.

    Show emotion. This wasn’t a day for keeping my emotions locked up, which I often do. These women were my friends for 20+ years and they’ve never seen me shed a tear. How crazy is that? But on this day I uncontrollably wept on my friend’s shoulder as soon as I saw her. I think they appreciated seeing me with my guard fully down. It let them know Val isn’t a robot after all.

    Take responsibility.  This is not the time for excuses, not that I had any. I acted pretty badly and now was the time to own up to that. I laid out all my fuckery and how it took me a while to recognize how my actions, no matter how well intended were ultimately hurt their feelings.

    Listen. I sat and listened as each shared how my actions made them feel. There was no debating their feelings. The point was to digest and process their words and pain so I don’t hurt them again.

    Be truly sorry. If I wasn’t going to be truly apologetic for hurting the people I care about then I had no business reaching out.

    The night of our reunion was a long meaningful one. There were hugs and tears, but most of all forgiveness.

    How are we moving forward from almost falling apart?

    Communication. Talk and listen. We chat a few times a week via group chat. There are meme shares to keep the laughter going and convos about how everyone is doing. Open and honest lines of communication are truly the only way to move forward.

    Be present. While we were out I was not on my phone. I’m sure that was a shock to them. I only pulled it out to talk to Jeff about when I was coming home. I was fully engaged and in the moment which is how it ought to be. Nothing is that important where I need to work as often as I was.

    It’s been about three months since we’ve started the process of getting back to where we once were. It’s not an easy road, not that I expected it to be. I personally feel an awkwardness that never once existed, but those are the breaks when you fuck up and gotta earn your place back into the circle of trust. But, I know time heals wounds and there’ll come a time where the awkwardness will fade and this moment, while a low point in our relationship will only be a blip in a long list of happy memories.

    Have you ever been a bad friend at one point or another? Any friendships that were on the brink of ending but you came together to work it out? Or are you going through a difficult moment now and you don’t know what to do? Share in the comments.