Parenting

  • Blog, Parenting, Self-Care

    All I Want for Mother’s Day Is Some Peace and Quiet

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    all i want for mother's day mommyrandr valerie pierre

    I’m gonna be frank with you, all I want for Mother’s Day some good old-fashioned peace and quiet. That’s it. I don’t want to do anything that involves me putting on a bra because I’ll tell you right now I’m not in the mood for it. I know Mother’s Day is a few days away but I can assure you I’m already dreading the thought.

    And I know I’m not alone in this. Yeah, sure there are moms who want to go out and celebrate the day with their families, and that’s great – but I’m not one of them. My ideal Mother’s Day would be to spent bed with the covers to my neck, with hot tea, a roasted chicken sandwich, and the remote. I might binge-watch a new show (which there are several on my list) or I might watch Downton Abbey for the umpteenth time. Or maybe if I do decide to go out I want to go out alone. I want to roam the bookstore or maybe walk the bridge if the weather is nice enough. The point is, I just want to be left alone in solitude.

    Why do I want to be alone?

    all i want for mother's day mommyrandr valerie pierre

    This past year has been a mess. Like families all over the world, we spent an entire year indoors. We did everything inside. Not getting a break from one another. It’s made us stir crazy, especially me.  Sure there are moments when the kids would do into their room but I still have to yell downstairs to them someone “knock it off”. Or go nuts listening to whatever AmongUs music Sierra has on loop. I haven’t quite figured out if she’s trying to annoy us all or if she just likes it – I think it’s both. This Mother’s Day, I don’t wanna deal with any of it for at least most of the day. I want to hear the low hum of the fridge, the cat’s claws tapping the floor as she walks around, my own thoughts – in other words, silence.

    If Jeff Sr. wants to do something for me then he should the children out. I’m always the one doing things with them while he works, and I enjoy those moments. But for one once, he should plan something just for them. I honestly cannot remember the last time the three of them did something without me. If I had to guess I would say it was before the pandemic. I had something to do and he took them to the park and to grab a bite. He needs to do that that not only more often but starting this weekend. Now don’t get me wrong, Jeff is no slouch. He was at one point working two full-time jobs. All he did was work and sleep in order to provide for us. So he had his reasons. But, as a stay-at-home mother for the past year, I’ve had no time off as he has continued to work. So to have the entire house to myself for a few hours would be paradise.

    Doing what I want to do on Mother’s Day

    If Mother’s Day is supposed to be a day we celebrate moms and a day when we should actually rest, then why should be I dragged up and down the street? Please by all means leave me at home. Now I’m sure there are some who think I’m crazy for not taking advantage of my husband’s open wallet, but the truth of the matter is, I can do that any day of the week. So if this one day a year is supposed to be for me then I want to spend it in a way that I want to. Save the overpriced meal and flowers for another day. Give mommy something she’s been dreaming about all year – quiet time.

  • Blog, Parenting

    Thou Shalt Not Break Any of These Mom Commandments

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    So there I was trolling Twitter and I came across #MomCommandments. It was trending and I knew what it was before I clicked on it. I also knew that it would be hilarious and that I had to share the best ones with you.

    What are mom commandments?

    This is easy, mom commandments are sacred parenting rules we wished our friggin kids followed but they don’t so we end up screaming to the heavens cause no one ever listens to us when we say shit.

    Here are 22 that I know speak to all of us

    Thou shalt not get on my first or my last nerve

    What mom commandments do your kid(s) always break? All of them. The answer is, all of them.
  • Blog, Parenting

    Mom To Mom: Quit Your Sanctimommy Shaming Bullshit

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    Sanctimommy valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Okay so check it, I’m in a mommy group and some woman posted a screenshot of a status from another mommy group. The post was from a mom who stated that she hated breastfeeding and was looking to wean her young infant before she returned to return work in a few weeks and was looking for support and help.

    You can already guess where this shit is going.

    So Ms. Sanctimommy Screenshot proceeds to shame this poor mom by stating, “Why does this piss me off so bad? And make me roll my eyes so hard? And all these moms saying how much they hate it, how inconvenient it is etc or the moms to be saying they have absolutely no desire to breastfeed. So you don’t want what’s best for baby? ???”

    Really, lady. Why don’t you do what’s best for this mom and…

    You know what makes me roll my eyes so hard? Witnessing a mother shame another mother. Like, why? What do you get out of tearing another mother down with rude unsolicited “advice” and comments? Does this somehow make you feel good about yourself?

    As a mother yourself you know how hard it is out here in these parenting streets. You got people up in arms about where and how we breastfeed, how they think we should look and if we should feel guilty or not for ditching our kids for some free time. Mothers (and fathers) don’t need some mommy know-it-all making snap judgments about our life.

    Here’s a tip, instead of judging a fellow mom why not put yourself in her shoes for a minute and think about how it would feel to be in her situation. Wouldn’t you want someone to offer you genuine helpful assistance? And if you can’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes or think your comments aren’t particularly useful because you don’t agree or can’t relate just keep scrolling. It’s that simple. Cause what you’re not gonna do is pluck out lines and flip the post to suit your holier than thou narrative.

    This mother tried it though. If she thought she was gonna have an army of backers to join her on her shaming parade. She truly thought wrong. I was happy to see the comment section rightfully rip her to shreds. One of the first comments on the thread pretty much surmised what the majority of the group was thinking:

    “You’re right. HOW DARE a mom make a decision for herself and not do what you think she should do. You do realize that mom shaming is generally frowned upon. If it’s not your kid, it’s none of your damn business and you don’t get any say “

    Ultimately, Ms. Sanctimommy Screenshot followed up with a half-ass apology and got dragged again. Some people never learn. But I hope others will pause and take heed. I want this to serve as a mental stop sign for a mom who is thinking about advising shaming a mom for her parental choices. It’s not cool. It’s quite hurtful and serves no purpose. So do moms around the globe a favor and cut the shit.

  • Blog, Health & Wellness, Parenting

    7 Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You a Happier Mom

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    happier mom valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Motherhood is hard as fuck. Like, seriously hard. There are days we love it, and then there the days we wanna run away. Does that equate to us not loving our children? Nah. We love them to the moon and back, but there are days when our kids’ antics causes us to want to wanna scream bloody murder.

    You know those days, when the hitting, lack of sharing, yelling, and so on that just won’t stop. I know it’s just not my house. It had better not be just my house. But seriously, it’s in these moments when our happiness tank starts to deplete, along with our patience, we think about those kid-free days and how we wish we could go back to that for five minutes. Oh, let me just point out that it’s perfectly okay to admit that you think this way sometimes. We’re human. There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing about the life and freedoms you once had. It’s completely normal.

    Now the question is when we feel less than our usual selves what do we need to do to make sure our happiness meter is set somewhere between “kids are finally sleeping” and “it’s wine time!”?

    Stop trying to be the “perfect” mom

    Let me state this out the gate – there is no such thing as a perfect mom. I don’t care what the media, celebrities or that sanctimonious mom at your kids PTA tries to sell you, don’t buy it. It’s not true. There is no rulebook for parenting. We’re all out here trying to do the best we can for our families with what we have. Which is why I hate the term “perfect” mom because it’s wielded in such a way to make moms feel inadequate and self-conscious. No one should ever feel that way about themselves. That’s why it’s important to remind ourselves as often as possible that we’re fine just the way we are.

    Stop comparing yourself to other moms

    A lot of women will look at other moms who they think have it together, and wish they could be like them. When the truth of the matter is, they don’t have their shit together either. They’re struggling just like the rest of us, but they don’t let you know that. It’s all about perception. But know, that’s all it is. This all reverts back to the need some moms feel like they have to be perfect to be considered a good parent to those on the outside looking in. Just enjoy being you without the pressures of trying to be someone else.

    Ask for help

    If you need your partner to get the kids ready for bath time bed so that you can watch the last few moments of your favorite show, finish a blog post or something that’s for you, ask them. They won’t know you need it unless you do so. And please, don’t judge their methods over yours. Let your partner do it their way. And if you have family and friends in your corner, ask them as well. Now should you have no one to turn to for help, look into a hiring a part-time sitter. Someone whom your kids can hang with every now and then so you can take a breath. No mom should ever feel like she’s alone.

    Slow down

    Ask yourself, is it really necessary for you to have a full schedule for yourself and your family? Do you even like these activities? Is anyone fully committed to them? If you answered yes to one of those last two questions, or both, then why are you doing them? Cut back on things that you have little interest in. This way you can make the time for things you really like and always wanted to do, or maybe to do nothing at all. Running at 100mph every day is no good for anyone, and the effects of it will take a toll on your physical and mental health. Pace yourself before your wear yourself so thin your body slows down for you.

    Get as much rest as you can

    Getting enough sleep is crucial for anyone to survive. You can’t function at the level you need to complete a 15+ hour day when you’re running on 3 or 4 hours of sleep from the night before or worse from several nights in a row. Staying up well after the kids have gone to sleep is tempting because the house is quiet but it can backfire on you if you do it constantly. So how do you get more sleep? Give yourself two hours after the kids have gone to bed then call it a night. And you can also alternate who sleeps in on the weekend. Saturday is my day to sleep in and Sunday belongs to the man. And here’s another tip, if you’re kids are still in the napping stage, when they sleep you should be sleeping too. Why are you up moving around? Get on the couch and chill out. If your kids are out of that stage, like mine, then make them go in their room for “chill out” time. This is the time where everyone retreats to their room for one hour. Sometimes kids will nap (yes!) other times they won’t (boo!) but hey, at least you were able to rest yourself for a bit of time.

    Let it go

    This will be hard for some, but stop getting worked up over shit that’s out of your control. You can’t do anything about it so instead of walking around aggravated about it be like Elsa and let it go. Take a breath and know that things will be okay and continue on with your day. If things aren’t going to be okay, phone a friend to talk about it. Sometimes just talking to a friend and hearing their reassurances are enough to get us through those dark times.

    Have all of the sex

    Everyone knows the longer you go without the sex the angrier you become. So do tha do as often as you can. And if you don’t have anyone to have sex with, have sex with yourself. Now if you and your partner are going through a stale period in your bedroom here are some tips to help you out.

    Do you have any tips that have helped you become a happier mom? Share in the comments below.