Relationships

  • Why Leaving A Dead-End Relationship Is Better For Your Health

    When you’re in an unhealthy dead-end relationship, it can often feel like a no-win situation. Staying with your partner may provide financial security or create convenience and familiarity. But, it also means sacrificing your own mental health and well-being. On the other hand, leaving may bring relief and freedom, but it could also mean financial instability or loneliness. Ultimately, the choice should come down to what is best for your own personal growth and happiness.

    What happens to us when we stay in a dead-end relationship

    When you’re stuck in a dead-end relationship, the toll it can take on your body and mind can be substantial.

    Physically:

    Staying in a dead-end relationship can take an immense physical toll on your body. The psychological and emotional stress of being stuck in a situation that you cannot get out of can manifest itself physically, leading to long-term health issues. Your body may start to show signs of fatigue, insomnia, headaches, muscle tension, increased blood pressure, or even stomach ulcers due to the high levels of distress it is experiencing. This can have serious consequences for your overall health and well-being if left unchecked. It’s important to be aware of the physical effects a negative relationship can have on you so that you are able to address them as soon as possible.

    Mentally:

    Staying in a dead-end relationship can have an incredibly detrimental effect on a person’s mental health. The longer the relationship continues, the more likely it is that feelings of loneliness and isolation will become even stronger. This is because these relationships often involve one partner feeling neglected or unappreciated, which can also lead to feelings of worthlessness and depression.

    Emotionally:

    Staying in a dead-end relationship can have a significant emotional toll on a person. One may feel isolated and helpless as if they are always on the losing end. Anger, sadness, and frustration can become all-consuming and can lead to depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.

    Spiritually:

    It could cause one to lose faith in themselves and their relationships with others. A person’s belief system might become distorted as they come to terms with how they allowed themselves to stay in such an unhealthy relationship for so long. If faith was previously important to them, they might struggle to find meaning in life once they leave the marriage behind.

    Despite all of that, the choice to end such a relationship that you’ve outgrown can often be one of the most difficult and emotionally draining decisions you will ever make. And the Intense feelings of hurt or betrayal may linger long after the relationship has been finalized, thus making it a decision that requires great courage, self-reflection, and resilience. It also requires a significant amount of self-care.

    Why leaving a dead-end relationship is better for you

    Separating from an unfulfilling relationship allows us to prioritize our own needs instead of continually compromising them to try to keep things going. It’s an opportunity to rediscover ourselves outside of a relationship context; to rebuild our identity based on our individual goals and values rather than ones shared with another person. We can begin to acknowledge our own strengths and weaknesses without relying on someone else for support or validation. We start understanding what we need for fulfillment as individuals instead of always seeking guidance within the context of a partnership.

    Taking care of yourself during this process is essential. Maintaining healthy habits such as exercising regularly, eating nutritious meals, getting enough rest, practicing mindfulness meditation, and taking time away from people who might stress you out or remind you of hostile times in the past are all important aspects of self-care during this difficult period. It’s also important not to forget about your social life. Leaning on people who understand where you are coming from can be a great help while trying to navigate through this transition period alone. Reaching out for professional help such as therapy or counseling can be beneficial as well if needed.

    Going to therapy is quite possibly the best thing one can do when ending a dead-end relationship. Having a professional third party who can objectively give you advice on how to get through a difficult breakup. They can also help you to make sense of the emotions you are feeling. Therapists also provide a safe space where you can express yourself in confidence, allowing you to work through your feelings and gain more insight into why the relationship ended in the first place. Furthermore, going to therapy can help with setting healthy boundaries when it comes to future relationships.

    Benefits of leaving an unfulfilling relationship

    Improved Self-Confidence:

    Realizing that you can make important decisions for yourself and handle difficult, emotionally taxing challenges can increase your confidence in yourself and boost your self-esteem.

    Less Stress:

    When you’re in a bad relationship you often experience high levels of stress that can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Ending things can provide relief from the tension of an unhappy relationship, thus reducing stress levels significantly.

    More Happiness:

    Breaking up allows you to pursue relationships that will bring you more joy and satisfaction than you had previously known, leading to greater overall happiness in life.

    Opportunity for Growth:

    Freed from an unsatisfying relationship, you may find it easier to focus on your own individual needs and goals, giving you the chance to work on personal growth projects like developing hobbies or taking classes to improve skillsets – all things which benefit mental health greatly.

    Better Mental Health Outcomes:

    Through all these benefits combined newly single people are ultimately able to enjoy better overall mental states – feeling less stressed out without relationship commitments as well as happier with newfound opportunities for growth. This can lead to positive changes like improved relationships with family & friends, newfound career goals, and improved self-confidence.

    Financial Independence:

    Breaking up can also provide financial freedom. While you may have been financially dependent on your partner in the past after separating you’ll be financially independent. Meaning, you will have more control over your own finances and the ability to make decisions about how you wish to manage them.

    A Fresh Start:

    Last but certainly not least, leaving a dead-end relationship offers you a chance to start anew. Proving you the opportunity to move on with your life in ways you never thought possible. This includes everything from home relocation, new job opportunities, and traveling to different cities or countries. Whatever the case may be, separation gives you a new beginning that can make all the difference in supporting better mental health outcomes.

    In conclusion, no matter how difficult ending a relationship might be, there is no denying that it offers many benefits from which those seeking it can reap incredible amounts of emotional and physical relief. From improved self-confidence and less stress to better mental health outcomes and a fresh start, ending a dead-end relationship presents countless opportunities for personal growth and success. With these benefits in mind, it becomes clear why some relationships just don’t last – and why ending things isn’t always such a bad thing after all.

    Dead-End Relationship Black woman removing her wedding ring

  • Tips for Making and Building a Strong Support Network of Friends

    Support Network of Friends mommyrandr valerie pierre

    When it comes to life, having a strong support network of friends helps make everything a little easier to tolerate. Many people say you’re the company that you keep, but what if you’re struggling trying to find company. It ain’t easy to make friends as an adult. So that begs the question, how does build a network of friends to ensure you always have people surrounding you who care about your well being?!

    The easy and hard answer is, you gotta get your ass out there. Getting out there may sound easy but it’s definitely a struggle. But it doesn’t have to be. So how do you get out there? You can start small by attending meetups with other moms at your kid’s school or other local mom groups. Search for local events that speak to your spirit. There’s nothing wrong with going to an event alone as you never know who you’re gonna meet. If going out is too much you can join online Facebook groups. I’m a member of a number of local Brooklyn mom/women’s groups. You can also find virtual friends through activities clubs or groups which will ensure you’re meeting like-minded people who have a common interest with you.

    But before you get out there you need to do a few other things to make sure your support network of friends will be solid.

    Determine What You Need

    Before you even get out there you need to determine what you’ll need from your new group of friends. Perhaps you’re going through trauma, recovering from something major or just want to know you have people by your side no matter what life throws at you.

    Make time to develop your new friendships

    Now that you’ve met new people you need to make the time to develop these new relationships. No one likes or wants a friend who’s always missing in action, especially one they’ve just met. You have to show people you’re genuine and truly care about them. Make the time to send words of encouragement to start off the day, ask them how they’re doing or follow up on how a presentation or a meeting went. Showing people you actually care goes a very long way.

    Don’t force relationships

    No one wants to be in a forced friendship. If you don’t feel a connection with someone after hanging out a few times that’s okay. Remember, you’re not gonna mesh with everyone you meet. Don’t give up so easily. Keeping putting yourself out there cause remember the glue that holds solid friendships together is being into people who will be into you.

    Support Network of Friends mommyrandr valerie pierre

    Listen to your friends

    The relationships you’re trying to build aren’t one-sided. These people aren’t here just for you to dump your problems on. The key to stable long-lasting friendship is listening to others as they listen to you. Hear them in their time of need and share with them practical solutions to their problems. This is how relationships work.

    Reconnect with your current/old friends

    I know this is about making new friends but if you have friends whom you haven’t connected with in a long time reaching out to them is like starting all over again. Talk and be honest about what may have caused a breakdown in communication and try to work through it. Maybe you were a bad friend, and they didn’t know how to tell you or maybe they said something that offended you. Now is the time to air out your grievances and work towards a solution to try and mend the friendship, if it can be mended. It will be hard and it will feel awkward as hell but if the goal is to have your old friend back then it’s worth it.

    Bring your friends together

    Now that you’ve determined who will be a part of your strong support network of friends, it’s time to bring everyone together so that you all can meet each other. Hosting some sort of dinner or happy hour with this support network of friends will help build the bond between all of you so that you all can be a positive part of each other’s life.

    I hope these tips will ensure that you have a strong support network of friends to be there, by your side through the ups and downs in life.
  • Confession: I’ve Been a Bad Friend. Here’s How I’m Working to Fix That

    bad friend valerie pierre mommyrandr

    I have a confession to make – I’ve been a bad friend. This is really embarrassing to admit cause I like to think of myself as someone who cares about my friends. So it was quite the shock to me when I started to feel left out when my friends would hang out. I would be home in my pj’s trolling social and see them all dressed up having a blast and I would think, why didn’t I get invited? After a while, I allowed my wonder, anger, and disappointment to take control and convince me it was them and not me.

    This is where I fucked up, cause the problem was me. It had always been me and I was oblivious to that shit. You see, my problem was that I was always on my phone. Like, nonstop. As a blogger, my phone is attached my palm like secondary growth and my laptop is never too far away. While my friends and I would be out my phone would chime away. They would always find my head down thumbs typing as they spoke. The straw that broke the camels back was when one friend really needed me during a devastating time I was unavailable to her despite standing right next to her. I was offering condolences while composing witty tweets. To say I was a self-absorbed bitch is truly an understatement. My actions that day were gross and I will always regret them.

    As I reflect back this is when my friendship with this group of women deteriorated. So you see, it shouldn’t have been a shock that I wasn’t included in their outings or that the group chat didn’t include me in it. I had my head so far up my own ass in my own shit that I lost care and concern for the shit my friends were going through. This is how you know you’re being a bad friend. But, I didn’t want to be that person any longer. These were long vested friendships and there was one thing I knew I had to do, fix what I broke.

    What are the steps to fixing broken friendships?

    bad friend valerie pierre mommyrandr

    Reach out. Despite how much I didn’t wanna make the first move I knew that I had to be the one. I sent a text asking to meet up and waited to see what the response would be. If they wanted to go great and if not then I would have to accept that. And by accept, I mean I would think of other means to try and build back the trust that was lost. They accepted.

    Meet face to face. Talking on the phone or texting is easy but when you’re trying to mend a relationship its best to meet in person. You want to be able to look into each other’s eyes as everyone shares the anger, sadness, and pain they’ve been feeling.

    Show emotion. This wasn’t a day for keeping my emotions locked up, which I often do. These women were my friends for 20+ years and they’ve never seen me shed a tear. How crazy is that? But on this day I uncontrollably wept on my friend’s shoulder as soon as I saw her. I think they appreciated seeing me with my guard fully down. It let them know Val isn’t a robot after all.

    Take responsibility.  This is not the time for excuses, not that I had any. I acted pretty badly and now was the time to own up to that. I laid out all my fuckery and how it took me a while to recognize how my actions, no matter how well intended were ultimately hurt their feelings.

    Listen. I sat and listened as each shared how my actions made them feel. There was no debating their feelings. The point was to digest and process their words and pain so I don’t hurt them again.

    Be truly sorry. If I wasn’t going to be truly apologetic for hurting the people I care about then I had no business reaching out.

    The night of our reunion was a long meaningful one. There were hugs and tears, but most of all forgiveness.

    How are we moving forward from almost falling apart?

    Communication. Talk and listen. We chat a few times a week via group chat. There are meme shares to keep the laughter going and convos about how everyone is doing. Open and honest lines of communication are truly the only way to move forward.

    Be present. While we were out I was not on my phone. I’m sure that was a shock to them. I only pulled it out to talk to Jeff about when I was coming home. I was fully engaged and in the moment which is how it ought to be. Nothing is that important where I need to work as often as I was.

    It’s been about three months since we’ve started the process of getting back to where we once were. It’s not an easy road, not that I expected it to be. I personally feel an awkwardness that never once existed, but those are the breaks when you fuck up and gotta earn your place back into the circle of trust. But, I know time heals wounds and there’ll come a time where the awkwardness will fade and this moment, while a low point in our relationship will only be a blip in a long list of happy memories.

    Have you ever been a bad friend at one point or another? Any friendships that were on the brink of ending but you came together to work it out? Or are you going through a difficult moment now and you don’t know what to do? Share in the comments.
  • #MCM: Women Are Joining ‘Beard Game Matters’ Facebook Group To Salivate Over Men With Beards!

    beard game matters

    My Friday started out as any other day when a Huff Post article caught my attention. It was about a Facebook group called, Beard Game Matters created by Mike McMillan that is dedicated to the appreciation of men’s beards.

    Beards you say?

    As someone who can appreciate finely coiffed facial hair I immediately requested to join. The 10 minutes I waited felt like ages. When I finally got in I felt like the gates of heaven had opened up. These men were beautiful. This is no exaggeration. Which is why the group has since gone viral.

    When I first joined the group was already at 190+k and by the time Sunday afternoon had rolled around the group had swelled to over 530+k!!! Errybody and they mama and even grandmama was joining simply to partake in bearded eye candy.

    So, how fine are the men in Beard Game Matters? This fine…

    Photo Credit: Tim Cleveland (with permission).

    Y’all see Tim?

    His image was the first one that greeted me upon group entry. He wanted to know which beard looked better. I couldn’t answer him cause all my knees could do was buckle like a damn belt. And to (finally) answer Tim’s question….both boo. Both are beautiful on you.

    And this is just a taste…a TASTE.

    I spent all Friday in this group. I never spent so much time in one place on Facebook in all the years I been on there. My own page has never gotten this much attention. I couldn’t help myself. The images were flowing nonstop one after the other.

    beard game matters
    Photo Credit: Afsheen Bahrehmand‎ (with permission).

    Look at Afsheen. Look at him. A sin to look this good.

    And to think there’s more of that in there, which makes it so easy to not notice the hours fly by. One scroll turns to two, two to four and the next thing you know BOOM it’s bedtime. I’m glad I wasn’t the only woman who fell into the trap of this group.

    beard game matters

    This group is like a real life Ben & Jerry’s. So whether you join to ???? for pure entertainment or looking for  ???? since cuffing season is coming, there is truly a flavor for everyone.

    So why should you join? Why shouldn’t you? Shit. It’s got hot men with facial hair. I assure you, you don’t need any other reason other than that. So here’s the link….. Beard Game Matters for your viewing pleasure. You’re welcome. And don’t say I didn’t warn you. Tell your friends. Sharing IS caring.

    *Update: Because the group has gone viral Mike has officially launched a dating website Beard Game Singles.com. But now I think about it, what if that was his plan all along? Get women hot and bothered for his start-up bearded men singles site.

    Genius.
    [bctt tweet=”Wanna drool over hot men w/beards? Join #BeardGameMatters on FB. It’s ? af in there. #MCM” username=”MommyRandR”]

    Are you in the #BeardGameMatters group? How long did you spend in there? Are you gonna sign up for the dating service?

    *Thank you to Tim and Afsheen for allowing me to use their images for our drooling pleasure.