Despite the fact that I’m scared of my own shadow I had the brilliant idea to walk through Blood Manor Haunted House New York City’s Premier Haunted Attraction. I make it my life’s mission to avoid anything that has the potential for giving me nightmares yet here I was about to willingly have the bejesus scared of me.

So every year around Halloween my friends always make plans to visit haunted attractions. These are activities I try to avoid like how those 80’s teens should’ve avoided sex at Camp Crystal Lake. But this year I got tickets to Blood Manor I thought why not. It would be a decision that I would question and regret every step I took through this maze of hell.

First off,  Blood Manor is not a place that you would easily spot. It’s about 2 feet from the Holland Tunnel on Varick Street in a nondescript building. It’s a two-story walk up in an even creepier hallway. When you step inside the hallway you don’t feel like you’re about to see the white light. I actually thought okay this isn’t so bad. This was my second mistake. My first was even being there.

When it was our turn to go (you walk in teams up to 6) and we got the rules I thought it couldn’t be any worse than this. My third mistake. When we entered the attraction and the door slammed behind us and all hell broke loose. Now I can’t tell you everything that happened because as a coping mechanism my mind has blocked it out. But I can assure you it went something like this…

We went in like

And almost immediately we had some shit coming at us like

So we hauled ass right into the pitch darkness and I was like, then it was like

So now we running through there like

Then run into this dude and his chainsaw like

Now we like fuck this shit and start running again

And run smack-dab into this chick acting like

Now we screaming like

I end up in a corner like

Rashidah somewhere like

This thing appears like

We hit that exit door at the end of the attraction like

And never looked back.

They told us thanks for visiting but we were down those steps and outside trying to catch our breaths. All we could do was wipe the sweat from our brows and thank God that we made it out alive. As we walked away we heard the screams from others who were walking through and could only hope they made it out in better shape than we  did.

Jimmy Kimmel and Kevin Hart walked through Blood Manor a couple days after we did.

Seeing their video makes me wish I would have inquired about our own. I know our reactions were priceless as theirs.

So if you want the bejesus scared out of you then  grab your friends and go see for yourself. And if you’re a real badass go on the nights where it’s pitch black and all they give you is one glow stick per group. If you’re opting for that night don’t call me because I’m not going. One walk through was more than enough for me.

Go see for yourself get tickets to Blood Manor here. Happy Halloween!

*I was comped two tickets to the show for the purpose of this review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.